


From the Beginning

by LittleSass



Category: Women's Soccer RPF
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-03-11
Updated: 2017-10-25
Packaged: 2018-10-02 16:07:50
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 17,935
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10222166
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LittleSass/pseuds/LittleSass
Summary: When Christen is on the receiving end of a nasty elbow to the head, she loses a part of herself. That part being the memories of  roughly the last ten or so years. It's hard on her, but it's also hard on everyone around her that know exactly what those memories contain.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I know I'm really bad at writing anything longer than a one-shot and the occasional two-shot, but I had this idea and really wanted to test it out. I'm not promising consistent updates, but I thought I would give a multi-chapter fic another try. I'm not saying I'm abandoning my other unfinished works. I'm just trying to figure out where I wanted to take those stories originally and if I still want to go down that road.

Christen took a deep breath as she bent down to lace up her cleats. She was anxious and nervous to the point where she was slightly shaking. This could be the very last time she stepped onto the pitch as a professional soccer player. It was do or die.

In all honesty, she couldn’t believe she was here. College had been a difficult time for her and her relationship with soccer. There were so many times she was ready to give it all up. No matter what she did, the national team was always out of reach. It didn’t matter if she broke almost every offensive record at Stanford. It didn’t matter that she was a MAC Hermann trophy winner. She wasn’t what the team was looking for. And that in itself killed her.

Few knew of the nights she would go out to the pitch in the middle of the night and just scream until her voice was raw. Multiple times she used the excuse of possibly coming down with something to mask the downward spiral she was feeling.

Following college she had joined the WPS and her hopes of standing out enough for a call up was renewed. Playing next to some of the best players in the world gave her a boost of confidence. Christie Rampone, Abby Wambach, Shannon Boxx. Just to name a few she had watched and admired for years. But even her stellar rookie year wasn’t enough. Winning US Soccer’s Rookie of the Year still wasn’t enough for her to break through into the national team’s player pool.

Sweden had been her saving grace. After facing another bout of disappointment, Christen was just about ready to give it all up. Soccer had broken her heart time and time again and she wasn’t sure if she could handle it anymore. But there, in a foreign country where most people barely knew her name, she was able to find herself and restore her love for the game. In the short period she was there, she was being recognized enough back home to earn a spot as an Olympic alternate.

To think that she had been ready to leave soccer behind and pursue a different career so many times. If she had hung up her cleats when times got tough, she never would have been able to achieve all that she had.

A few weeks ago she had the honor of captaining the national team in what would be her last game ever. She was lucky enough to have been able to retire in the Bay Area, a place that still held a special place in her heart. They had played Australia where they managed to pull out a 2-1 win. Lynn had scored one in the first half, and Christen had scored the game winner minutes before she was subbed out.

She could still remember the moment she saw her number come up on the substitution board. There was a slight ache in her heart as she put on a brave smile as she accepted the end.

She could still feel the energy of the lively crowd who gave her a standing ovation as she made her way across the field and to the bench. Their cheers warmed her heart as she looked out and saw multiple signs made just for her.

She could still remember her teammates coming up and giving her hugs as she walked off. Each of them whispered words of love and appreciation and admiration in her ear.

She could still remember hugging Mallory as her career was coming to an end, and the young woman’s was about to fully take off. It took her back to the moment she had subbed on for Abby in her last game.

All her friends and family had been there for the bittersweet affair. Her teammates had taken her out after the game where she was able to spend a night celebrating the end of her career with all of her loved ones.

Her favorite part of the night had been the fact that her girlfriend had been by her side all night. Tobin was being clingy, but in a way Christen found endearing. The midfielder had followed her to each group of friends she had gone to thank for supporting her. In between groups, Tobin would pull her off to the side where she could plant kisses all over her body. After giggling and playfully pushing Tobin away, Christen would drag Tobin along to finish up the rounds, and Tobin had to be content with holding Christen from behind.

Now, Christen was preparing herself to relive those feelings at a slightly smaller scale. The semifinals of the NWSL season. She and her team could either win and go on to play one more game or they could lose and her career finally comes to an end.

The LA Halos had held a ceremony for her at the last home game, where the city had come to fill the stadium as they retired her jersey. Despite the semifinal taking place in LA, they chose to keep the ceremony away from the competition, which was fine by her. When it was time to compete she did want any excess attention on her. The game was about her team as a whole and their journey to the top.

Just like her retirement game with the national team, she was bubbling with emotions for her game with the Halos who she had captained since the team’s inception. With the Halos, however, she had played every moment, notching a goal and two assists to help her team beat Orlando. She had stayed for a long time after the game had ended, taking pictures with fans and signing autographs, many of them promising to be back for the semifinal game.

And now it was time for her to perform for them again.

The sounds outside the tunnel pumped up all the players as they were ready to step onto the pitch. Christen either high-fived or clapped each of her players on the back as she passed by them to get to the front of the line. With the captain’s armband fastened around, she took her spot at the head of the tunnel. She smiled at the captain standing next to her, who was grinning back. Without having to say anything, they both opened their arms and engulfed the other at the same time.

“I'm so proud of you, Press,” the shorter woman whispered into her ear as they clung onto one another. Christen’s grip tightened around her friend at the words.

They both understood the weight of this moment. The career of one of the best striker's the US had ever seen could come to an end tonight.

“Thanks, Kell,” She answered, her voice wavering as she tried to keep it together. “I'm glad you're here with me. Even if you are here to try to beat me and my team.”

“I'm glad I'm here to. It'll been an honor to be able to share the field with you one last time, even if we are opponents,” Kelley's voice laced with enough emotions to cause one tear to fall down Christen’s face.

“Wish I could be here with you when it was your turn,” Christen admitted, using the back of her hand to wipe away the lone tear and keep the others from falling.

Of the 15ers, it wasn't too surprising that Tobin and Kelley were the last ones left. They had decided to try for one more cycle. Their fitness and passion for the game exceeding most at their age as they continued to represent their country.

“You may not be next to me when it happens, but you bet your ass that I'll be buying your plane ticket to come see my last game,” Kelley said, clapping Christen on the back. “It’s what Stanford buddies do. Be there for the other’s last game.”

“Who says this is my last game? I still have one more after this.”

Kelley chuckled as she shook her head back and forth. Her arm draped over her friend’s, “Dream on, Press. As much as I love you, we're going to crush you and end it all here in your hometown.”

“You're delusional,” Mallory countered, stepping up from her spot on the other side of the LA keeper, Casey Murphy. “You're getting too old for this.”

“Chris and I are like the same age!” Kelley exclaimed, her hand going up to point back and forth between herself and her fellow captain.

Mallory simply shrugged as if Kelley’s argument had no basis. “You're still older. You're like an old fart.”

“Oh yeah? Well this old fart is going to crush you in the beep test next camp,” Kelley declared, turning to the front where the referee told them they were about to step out.

That quickly shut the younger girl up who went back to her spot in line.

“Good luck, Kell,” Christen smiled to her best friend before taking a step forward, leading her team into the filled stadium of cheering fans.

“You too, Press. Dinner after?”

The brunette smiled and nodded. She sent a soft smile at the little girl who was to be her escort before they stepped into the large arena of screaming fans.  

The national anthem was played just before kickoff. From the minute the whistle blew to start the game, both teams were off. The crowd definitely got their money’s worth.

The game was an absolute battlefield by the 70th minute. Sky Blue was trailing by one while LA looked to put the game away and secure their spot in the finals. Tackles were being made, fouls committed, and angry shouts were being traded back and forth. The center ref had already dished out a handful of yellow cards, and at this point it wouldn’t be completely out of the blue if someone were sent off.

Around the 74th minute, the ball was successfully won back by the LA defense who pushed it back up the field. But what could have led to a beautiful breakaway ended up in a terrifying altercation.

A couple yards out from the 18, Christen had just received a ball from Mal and went to turn with it. When she shifted her weight onto her right foot so she could use it to launch herself forward, she felt the hard elbow of the rookie Sky Blue defender connect with the side of her head. The player hadn’t stopped and continued to play. But for Christen she was stuck. It was like her feet were glued to the floor. They were just about to give way when she felt someone steady her. She didn’t know who it was nor did she turn to look.

The whistle had been blown to stop play but it had gone unheard by Christen who felt lost even in her own body. She wasn’t scared or confused but instead felt numb. Everything was becoming blurry, all she could see were blobs of color. The angry shouts of the crowd appealing for a foul weren’t even registering with her. She felt like she was swimming underwater, her vision unclear and voices barely audible.

In the midst of this inner turmoil, the athletic trainer had come onto the field. As she went to lead them off the field, Christen’s feet finally seemed to wake up and follow, but the brunette had no recollection of ever telling her body to move. It didn’t matter that the trainer was trying to conduct some tests for signs of a concussion, there was never a response. The only thing they got was a blank unfocused stare into nothing.

Despite the lack of reactions to anything being said or done, the trainers continued to try to diagnose what was wrong with the captain.

For Christen, she had no idea what was going on around her. All she knew was her vision was getting spottier and her hearing was almost nonexistent. Then she felt as if her body was being dragged down. Everything was feeling heavier and she had no control before everything went black.

* * *

Kelley and Mal were sitting in the waiting room of the hospital, their legs bouncing up and down as they sat in the uncomfortable chairs. They hadn’t been there very long. After the game, they were two of a few players who had rushed over to find out more about Christen’s condition after that nasty hit. They didn’t even care to talk about the game they had just played. All they wanted was word on their friend’s condition.

“Have you heard back from Tobin yet?” Mal asked, checking her phone to see if the midfielder had replied to any of her calls.

“Nope. Went straight to voicemail,” Kelley answered. “She’s probably just finishing up the game and hasn’t checked her phone yet.”

“But their game ended over a half hour ago. I tried calling Lindsey, but she hasn’t answered either,” Mal complained, grabbing onto Kelley’s arm as she lowered her head onto the defender’s shoulder.

Kelley tried to reassure the girl that things would be alright. That their friends were still busy and not ignoring them purposely, “They probably got caught up with the media people and I’m sure they’re not really up for talking with the loss and all.”

“But they need to know.”

“I know, I know. But maybe it’s for the best. We don’t know for sure what’s wrong, and telling them with so many unknowns could cause them to worry more than they need to.”

“Is she going to be okay?” Mal asked, her head remaining on Kelley’s shoulder as she stared at the ground in front of her.

Kelley looked down to the girl in next to her, knowing that this was going to be hard on her. Mal had been living with Press after her first year at UCLA, opting out of living with her friends/teammates on the team due to possibly being gone a good amount of time for national team camps. After Christen had offered her spare room to her “team child”, they had grown exponentially closer. It only made sense that their living arrangement continue when the Halos were able to pick Mal up in the draft. The two spent much more time together than most others.

While trying to come up with a decent answer that wasn’t overly optimistic or downright depressing, Kelley looked over to where three-fourths of the Press Pack was talking with the doctor. What about, Kelley had no idea. All she did know was that tears had been flowing down the girls’ faces since they came out of the room holding their other sister. If their faces were anything to go by, it didn’t look good.

Before Mallory pose the question to Kelley again, the two soccer players were being approached by the Press Pack minus Stacey.

“What happened? Is she going to be okay?” Mallory demanded, redirecting her earlier question to the other adults in the room.

Cody was very silent as his mind searched for the right words to explain the situation. Every second he took to gather his thoughts was another second Mallory and Kelley were dying inside.

“She’s going to be okay,” Cody started to say, struggling to finish the sentence without stuttering, “but there’s something you should know.”

“What?” The two athletes demanded.

Seeing the trouble her father was having, Tyler decided to step in. “The girl hit Christen pretty badly. She’s got a concussion and some blurred vision in her right eye, but the worst part is that she’s...Christen has amnesia.”

Both women fell back into their seats at the revelation, still processing the words that they just heard.

“Amnesia?” Kelley asked for clarification, to which both Press women nodded. “Like full on amnesia? She can’t remember anything?”

“Um, luckily, she didn’t lose all of her memories, just a big portion,” Tyler cringed at the own words coming out of her mouth.

“How much?” Mallory implored, not so sure she was ready to hear the answer.

“She thinks she just played in the NCAA final against UNC.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Christen's family and friends reacting to this new revelation and reflecting on how things are going to be different from now on.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! Thank you for all of you have read, commented, subscribed, etc. I really appreciate all the support. Please keep it coming. This chapter takes place right after the first one.

Upon hearing the news, Kelley was relieved it wasn’t worse, that Christen hadn’t lost all of her memories. But that feeling didn’t last long. Her eyes were drawn to the ball that Mallory was now curled up as, her legs pulled up to her chest in an effort to protect herself from anything else happening. Vulnerable was the only way Kelley would describe her.

It hit her that if Christen had lost about the last ten years of her life, then she had no idea who Mallory Pugh was. There would be no recollection of Christen assisting Mallory’s first goal in her first cap. No memory of sharing a home and essentially becoming a mini family, of Christen essentially becoming a big sister to Mal, a sister that borderlined a motherly figure type. 

And then Kelley realized that on top of forgetting Mal, Christen wouldn't remember going to Sweden, where she restored her love for soccer. Or her first cap with the national team, where she scored two goals and was able to see all her hard work finally pay off. Or winning the World Cup in 2015, something she’d been only dreaming of since she was a little girl. Or winning gold in Tokyo, which tasted so much sweeter after the disaster in Rio. 

But probably the worst of them all, Christen wouldn’t remember falling in love with Tobin Heath, an event that was years in the making. Her family and friends saw her happier than she’s ever been when she’s with Tobin. Christen had claimed that just about every romantic cliche ever written was an experience she shared with Tobin.

Kelley’s heart physically ached at the idea of having to tell Tobin the news. It would absolutely devastate the midfielder, and Kelley wasn’t sure if she would know how to help, if she could even help. The love Tobin and Christen shared was like one from a fairy tale. So sweet, so pure. The team, Kelley included, loved teasing the two for constantly walking around with heart eyes directed at the other.

Tobin and Christen were two of the best people Kelley knew, and she didn’t think it was fair that something like this happened to them. They deserved nothing but the best, but here in this moment, the universe decided to play a cruel trick on them to create some drama and entertainment.  

Christen of all people didn’t deserve this. She was too good for this. For every second missing, there was another memory gone. She didn’t deserve to have so many of her good memories ripped away from her without a second thought.

As her mind swirled with all these thoughts, Kelley had to lean against the nearest wall to keep from collapsing. Instinctively, she reached into her pocket, pulling her phone out, and hoping, almost praying, that Tobin hadn’t answered any of her phone calls or texts. As much as Kelley knew she needed to update the midfielder on her girlfriend’s condition, she was having some difficulty processing it all in her own head. She couldn’t even imagine how she could even begin to explain everything to Tobin. 

Kelley was pulled from her thoughts when Cody cleared his throat in an effort to grab her attention. 

“You can go in to see her when Stacy comes out. I’m sure she’d love to see a friend,” Cody said to Kelley before taking the seat next to Mallory and patting her shoulder until the honorary Press member leaned into his side. “It may seem bad now, but we’ll get through this, little one. Even if Christen doesn’t remember you right now, you’re still one of us,” Cody reassured her.

“Thanks, Uncle Cody,” the young girl whispered sadly, her eyes closing as she tried to block out the last couple hours. She felt someone crouching in front of her seat, setting a hand on her knee as an invitation to open her eyes. Reluctantly, she did so and found Channing in front of her. “Is she okay?”

The youngest Press nodded her head solemnly, taking Mal’s hand in her own, reminding the girl that she wasn’t alone. “She will be. She’s a little lost right now. And a little scared. Mom’s trying to calm her down a bit.”  

“Will she get her memory back?”

“I don’t know,” Channing answered honestly, her voice shaky. “The doctors can’t say for sure. They said she could in a few days or in a few years or possibly not at all. But we can’t give up hope, right?”

Mallory nodded as everyone sat in silence. The only sounds coming from doctors and nurses passing by and the clicking of the keyboard from the reception’s desk. 

They each took the moment to compose themselves. So much has happened in the few shorts hours since kickoff. As much as they were relieved to know that Christen was going to be okay, they were apprehensive of the future to come. Over the years, Christen had grown into a better version of herself, the person she was always going to become in the end. The nicest, most caring, most loving person. One who didn’t judge without any merit. who chose to give than to take, who loved with her whole heart and nothing less. 

Less than ten minutes later, Stacy came out with tears in her eyes. Shooting up from his seat, Cody wrapped his arms around his wife, offering all the support he could while still holding himself together. 

“You can go in and see her if you want,” Stacy said after pulling away from her husband, “I’m sure she would love to see you, Kelley.”

Kelley nodded her head, pulling the oldest female Press into her arms. “It’ll be okay, Mama P, we’re all here for her.”

Before heading in, Kelley turned back to where Mallory was sitting. “You coming, Mal?”

The young girl was about to decline when she felt Cody nudge her forward. Her face was so unsure when she turned to Cody, but the father of three gave her his best reassuring smile. “Maybe it’ll spark something in her.”

Grudgingly, Mallory stood up and followed her national team teammate into Christen’s room. The defender was careful in opening the door, doing her best to not be her normal loud self. This was a delicate situation and she had to handle this appropriately. As the entered the room, Mal made a beeline for the corner where she could be seen but not really noticed as Kelley approached her best friend. 

“Hey, Press. How you feelin?” Kelley whispered, again not wanting to sound obnoxiously loud. That and she didn’t trust her voice not to crack if she spoke any louder.

“Kelley!” Christen cried, sniffling a little at the sight of her friend, her smile growing slightly at seeing someone she knew other than her family. Her right eye was almost swollen shut from the impact of her injury while her other eye was red from the amount of crying she’d no doubt done when her family had come in to see her. Yet the brunette was still able to put on a small smile. It definitely wasn’t a Christen-type smile, but she was trying. 

“I knew you couldn’t forget me,” Kelley joked, trying to lighten the mood. Seeing Christen like this was hard. Something in her eyes reminded Kelley of college Christen. She wasn’t sure how to explain it, it was like that spark of confidence that Christen had gained over the last decade was gone.

“I couldn’t even if I tried,” Christen smiled, holding her hand out for Kelley to come closer. The older of the two stepped forward and squeezed her friend’s hand reassuringly. 

They were quiet for a while, both trying to find a way to start this conversation. It was some time before Christen found the strength to speak, “I don’t remember a lot of things.”

Kelley nodded, acknowledging the situation but not really sure how to respond. 

“My mom tried filling me in on some things, but I can’t really recall them all. It was just too much to take all at once. Can I ask you some questions?”

Again Kelley nodded. 

“I went to Sweden?”

Kelley nodded.

“I play on the national team with you?”

Nod.

“We won a World Cup?”

Nod.

“Anything else really important?”

Nod.

“Are you going to tell me?”

For the first time, Kelley shook her head no. “Not now. I think you need to rest first. Like you said, it’s a lot to take in at once.”

“You’re not going to leave me like this, are you?”

“Of course not. I’ll stay here as long as you need me to. You've got a lot to catch up on. But with my season being over, I can stay and help fill in the blanks of the last decade. I’ll even do my best to go in order.”

“What if it doesn’t come back?” Christen voiced the concern everyone’s been asking one another.

“Then we’ll make new memories,” Kelley answered, her voice firm as she promised her best friend that they were going to make the best of the situation.

“Kelley? Who’s that?” Christen asked, raising her arm and pointing at the young girl who had stayed quiet in the corner.

Mallory shrank farther into the corner, but when Kelley waved her over, she carefully made her way over. 

“Chris, this is Mallory Pugh. She plays on the team with us,” Kelley started to explain, coaxing the youngest of the trio to come closer. “Before your accident, you and her were really close.”

Christen was shocked to meet someone from her past, or future or whatever it was. She wasn’t sure how to approach this. It wasn’t like in college when the students came to watch and congratulate her even if she had no idea who they were. According to Kelley, she was close to this person. The girl was someone who didn’t just know of her, but actually knew her.

Luckily for Christen, she wasn’t the only one unsure of how to approach this situation. Mallory was more or less hiding behind Kelley, much like a kid hiding behind their parent’s leg because they were afraid of meeting new people.

"Hi, I'm Mal."

"Hi, Mal. I'm Christen." 

Mallory took Christen's outstretched hand. She could see in Christen's eyes that she had no idea who she was and was just being polite. "I'm sorry, I'm just going to go," Mal said before dashing out of the room.

"Was it me?" Christen asked, immediately feeling guilty for the young woman's sudden exit.

"No, no. It's just a little hard for her because she remembers you, but you have no memories of her, which no one blames you for. I'm going to check on her, but I'll be back later, okay?"

"Okay."

Kelley kissed Christen's forehead, quickly before rushing out of the room in pursuit of her younger friend. When she made it out, Kelley saw Mallory being held by Stacy who was softly rocking them back and forth. 

When Kelley joined the two, Stacy pulled her into a group hug. “You two should head home,” Stacy said, holding her hand up to stop any protests about to escape their mouths. “It’s been a long day and you two must be exhausted. I want you to go home, take a shower, and rest. The doctor said that Christen should be able to go home tomorrow afternoon; they just want to keep an eye on her overnight and run possible tests in the morning. Then we’ll have to see some specialists to check if anything else is wrong.”

“You’ll call us if anything happens?”

“Absolutely, keep your phones on hand.”

They both patted their pockets to make sure that their phones were there. Kelley pulled hers out to check the time. When she did, the first thing she noticed was a new text from Tobin saying that she’s on her way to LA right now. 

“Actually, Mama P, I think I’m going to wait around until Tobin gets here.”

“She’s on her way?”

“Yeah, I guess she texted me when I was in there with Christen. She’s on a plane over now. She should be here in a few hours.”

“In that case, I’ll go out and grab us some food while we wait,” Cody stated, reaching for his car keys as Tyler went around and wrote down everyone’s order. 

* * *

Hours later, Tobin finally found herself in front of the hospital that Kelley had told her they were stationed at. She wasn’t sure what to feel.

She had gotten messages from Mallory and Kelley filling her phone, not to mention a few left by various members of the Press Pack. Upon seeing so many, and Lindsey notifying her that she also had gotten a few messages from Mallory, Tobin tried to call them back, sensing something must be wrong. She started to panic each time she got their voicemail. 

Distressed, Tobin started playing their messages, one by one, her anxiety rising after each message. The messages were being overly vague, only telling her that Christen had been hurt during the game and that Tobin needed to get on the next plane to LA. She was halfway through the fourth message, when Lindsey pulled up her phone and showed Tobin the footage of Christen’s accident. Tobin felt her heart drop as she watched Christen being loaded onto a stretcher, ready to be taken to the hospital. 

Not waiting another second, Tobin took off, booking a ticket onto the next flight out before heading home and quickly scrambling together her essentials. By the time she was through, Lindsey was pulling up to her apartment complex, having offered to drive Tobin down to the airport herself. 

Now, Tobin was feeling a mixture of panic and nerves. She was torn between sprinting into the building, demanding the room for her girlfriend and taking her time to delay the inevitable bad news she was about to receive. 

Tobin braced herself for the worst news as she finally stepped inside. Kelley approached her first, pulling her into a hug before saying anything. Looking around at all the other faces, she noticed the red rimmed eyes, a sure sign of crying. 

“Is she okay?” Tobin asked Cody over Kelley’s shoulder, not ready to leave her friend’s embrace, knowing that she’ll probably be craving a physical anchor to the world when she heard the news. 

The man nodded. He looked back and forth between the other girls, silently asking who was going to be the one to break the news. In return, he got a lot of vacant stares. Manning up, Cody stood and walked over to his daughter’s girlfriend, his bravest face on display.

“You’re not going to like it,” Cody started off, preparing Tobin. “She has amnesia.” The way Cody paused told Tobin that there was more and she wasn’t ready to hear it, but nevertheless she gave the man the go ahead. “ And she doesn’t remember you.”

Tobin’s knees buckled for just a second before they gave out on her. Luckily, she still had her arms around Kelley, who was currently supporting her weight with no complaints. 

“She doesn’t know me?”

“She knows of you,” Cody supplied, hoping it would help ease the blow, “like she remembers watching the 2008 Olympics and your short stint with Pali Blues. She also knows she played you in the NCAA final.”

“What doesn’t she remember?”

“Everything else,” Kelley answered, her voice low in Tobin’s ear. 

“That’s it? She doesn’t remember anything else about me?”

“I’m sorry, buddy. But I don’t think so.”

“She doesn’t know that we’re together?”

The other two adults shook their heads.

“Did you tell her about me?”

“Not yet.”

Not being able to help herself, Tobin walked towards the door holding her girlfriend. Slowly, she opened the door and entered. There sitting on the bed was Christen talking to her mother. Both Press’ looked her way, Stacy sent her sympathetic eyes while Christen just looked completely confused. 

“Tobin?”

Cautiously, Tobin approached the bed, her hand going to the back of her neck in a nervous manner. “Hey, I mean hi, I mean how are you?”

“I’m fine,” Christen answered uncertainly, her eyebrows arching expectantly as she waited for some sort of explanation as to why the tanned midfielder was standing in her hospital room. But none came. “I’m not trying to be rude or anything, but what are you doing here?”

Tobin continued to rub the back of her neck as she tried to come up with something that didn’t involve her shouting the shocking revelation that they were actually dating and she was a concerned girlfriend. “I heard about your accident and I thought I would come check on you. Make sure you were okay.”

“Um, thanks. The doctors said I should be okay.”

The midfielder was desperately searching Christen’s eyes for some sort of recognition, but she was coming up empty. The brunette’s face wasn’t even turned into that smile she reserved specifically for Tobin. Instead she was greeted with the smile Christen had learned to plaster on her face whenever around those she considered acquaintances, nothing more.

Without saying anything, Tobin had walked out of room, past the waiting room full of confused faces, and out into the dark night. She was literally shaking with each breath she took. When Tyler had come out to check on her, Tobin had sent her back in, claiming she needed some time alone.

She waited for the ride she ordered to show up and take her to the only place she felt like she needed to be right now. When a black car showed up for her, she silently got in and sank back into the seat. Despite the friendly driver’s attempts to make conversation, Tobin remained quiet. Her head was leaning against the window as she watched the streetlights and buildings pass by in a blur..

When she finally got to her destination, she nodded her thanks to the driver before getting out. For a moment, she contemplated even approaching the door. It was late in the night with the everyone inside probably sound asleep. Not to mention that Tobin hadn’t even thought to call them or send them a text to let them know she was stopping by on such short notice. She fought back and forth with herself, ready to turn around and run multiple times, but she had no idea where she would even go.

Sucking it up, Tobin walked up to the door and rang the bell. She was apprehensive of waking up the whole house, but her mind was also clouded enough to not stop her from pressing the button multiple times in rapid succession.

A minute passed with no answer, so she rang the doorbell a couple more times until she saw a light inside the house come on. As she heard footsteps coming, Tobin took a few steps back so she wasn’t standing so close to the door. When the door swung open and she was met with a tall, bearded man who looked less than pleased to be woken up, Tobin cowered a little. She was regretting her decision to come and was about to apologize and leave, when she heard a voice call her name. 

“Tobin?”

The midfielder picked her head up just enough to see a shorter blonde come out from behind her husband, her face filled with confusion and concern.

The woman stepped out of the house, with no care that she had forgone putting shows on, approaching the now retreating soccer player. Upon closer inspection, the tears welling up in Tobin’s eyes had become more apparent. Without hesitating, she pulled the woman into her arms, squeezing tighter when she heard choked sobs in her ear.

“I’m sorry,” Tobin cursed her voice for cracking. She was close to hyperventilating, her words barely managed to come out between each exaggerated attempt at breathing, “I just...didn’t know..where else to go. I just...I just…Amy...I...I.”

“Shhh...It’s okay, Tobin. Come on, let’s go inside,” Amy led her friend into her house, giving her husband a look that sent him back up to their room after closing the door. 

Slowly Amy walked them over to her couch where she sat Tobin down. She left for a quick second, returning with a box of tissues and a glass of water. Despite Tobin’s protest, Amy was adamant that Tobin take a few sips.

“What’s wrong, Tobin?”

“She doesn’t remember me, Amy.”

The choked sobs Tobin had been holding in were catching up to her. She couldn’t hold them back anymore and soon she was weeping. 

“Who?”

“Christen,” Tobin cried, burying herself in Amy, who held her with such tenderness that Tobin couldn’t help but let the waterworks flow freely. 

It was a total mess. Tobin was constantly sniffling and wiping her runny nose, but it was pointless. She didn’t even bother to try her eyes because each set of tears were immediately replaced with another before Tobin even had a chance to blink. 

Multiple times, Amy tried to get Tobin’s breathing under control before the midfielder started to hyperventilate again, but it was so hard. Every time, just when she thinks she’s succeeded, a new wave of emotions comes crashing into Tobin’s body, restarting the cycle.

Amy felt as if someone had just stabbed her in the heart as she watched her best friend’s bawling figure. She did her best to console her friend, but she didn’t even think her best efforts could help in this situation. She could only count a handful of times that she’d seen Tobin cry and less than half those times were because she was hurting. 

Tobin, the one she’d known for most of her life, was always carefree and relaxed. She seemed to always have her life together. And when Christen came into her life, Tobin was just an indestructible bubble of happiness. People would poke and prod but her feelings for Christen were what kept Tobin together, reminding her that at the end of the day she had what she wanted and needed in her life.

Now, without that, the Tobin crying into her chest was cracking.

That one fateful accident managed to do what so many have never been able to. It burst Tobin’s bubble of happiness.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It may have taken me like a month, but here is the next chapter. I apologize if things seem kind of all over the place.

The last thing Tobin was expecting the next morning was to be woken up, gasping for air, but at a time Tobin considered too early despite how bright the room now was, she was completely out of breath. Her eyes shot open and her boggled mind was barely able to register a small body bouncing on top of her midsection. She quickly reached out to grab the boy midair before his knees dug further into her stomach. 

“Auntie Tobs!”

Tobin pulled the boy into her arms, turning her body so she was tucking him on the inside of the couch that served as her bed last night, containing him. He giggled a little before starting a tangent that Tobin couldn't even follow as she tried to gather her wits from the slightly rude and very unexpected wake up call. 

Her eyes burned from the bright rays of sunlight shining into the room, the blinds obviously not doing their job. She blinked a few times, slowly adjusting to light. And that's when she felt the slow pounding in her head, the pain growing stronger by the second. She registered some noise coming from the kitchen accompanied by the smell of breakfast. With the arm not holding the kid to her body, Tobin brushed back the mess of hair in her face, opening her up the world she had been trying to avoid for as long as possible.

Before she could be pulled down the dark abyss of the looming depression caused from last night's events, her attention was being dragged to the boy next to her, who was currently poking her cheek incessantly. With the slight turn of her head, Tobin attempted to bite the intruding finger, but the boy was too quick in pulling away. Trying his luck, he went to poke the woman's cheek again, his squeal and giggles echoing off the living room walls just as he narrowly missed getting bitten. The game went on for a bit until the boy got bored and decided to change the subject. 

“Why you sleeping on our couch?”

“I came to eat all of your pancakes,” she declared, getting up and laying the boy down on the couch before running to the kitchen. The boys little legs trying to catch up to Tobin’s long strides.

“What did I say about running in the kitchen, Luke?” Amy scolded her son before setting a stack of blueberry pancakes in the center of the table next to the plate of eggs and bacon.

“Sorry, Mommy,” Luke apologized, hugging his mom's leg until she patted his head, a sign that he was forgiven. Once Amy turned back to fridge, Luke climbed into the seat between his brother and Tobin. After getting comfortable, he tugged on his brother's sleeve to get his attention, “Ryan, help.”

The older Shilling raised up on his knees so that he could pull the plate of pancakes closer and started piling flapjacks onto both of their plates. Per house rules, both boys had to wait for their mother to pour the syrup. This rule had been implemented one morning after a grumpy and slightly cranky Ryan took the bottle of syrup and poured it all over his baby brother's head because Luke kept poking him with his fork. It's easy to say Amy was not happy, and even more furious when she caught her husband chuckling and ruffling Ryan's hair in an affectionate manner. 

While the boys waited for their mother to return to the table, they started battling one another, using their forks as makeshift swords, sound effects escaping their mouth to add to the ambience of their fight. Although Ryan had about a million chances to end the duel, he purposely avoided his brother’s open spots, allowing the fight to continue. 

From her seat, Tobin watched the boys with a small smile. There was a slight ache in her heart from knowing that she missed out on some pretty important moments of them growing up. She loved these kids with all her heart and she just wished that she got to be around more often and be apart of all their crazy shenanigans. She's around as often as she can but sometimes seeing all the pictures of Christen hanging out with the boys made her jealous because she wanted to witness the interactions firsthand. Something about seeing Christen with kids always did something to her heart. It also reminded her that she needed to make a trip out to visit Lauren as soon as possible. Or she could call and convince the woman to fly to LA with baby Jrue. 

“Where’s CAP?” Ryan asked, mouth full of chewed up bacon, since he was still waiting for his mom to dress his pancakes. He looked back and forth between the entrance of the kitchen and Tobin, wondering if Christen was going to pop out of nowhere.

The nickname had come about due to the fact that Luke had a hard time pronouncing his r’s when he was younger, something that Amy was horrified at considering her oldest son had a name starting with the offensive letter. The period of time they spent coming up with all different names that would be easier on the toddler was amusing. They tried calling her Anne or Annie for a little bit, but Ryan claimed they were too boring. There was a period of time where Christen was called Aunt Cece, but it didn’t last long because Christen wasn’t a huge fan. 

When Ryan found out Christen’s initials were CAP, he thought it was perfect. It was short, simple, and paid tribute to the fact that she was the captain of the Halos, who the Shillings went to watch whenever possible. Now that Luke was older and could not pronounce his r’s correctly, the nickname was used sparingly, usually only in reference to soccer or when they would poke fun at the forward. She felt slightly embarrassed because the team still reserved that name for Christie, and it just didn’t feel right to Christen. 

Because of its sparse use, it took Tobin a second longer to realize that they were not in fact asking about Christie but Christen. Her girlfriend. Her girlfriend who didn’t remember her. And just like that, Tobin was thrust back into the harsh reality she had managed to escape for the few short hours of sleep she had gotten. Tears appeared in the corner of her eyes, which she discreetly tried to wipe away so she didn’t alarm the kids. All she wanted to do was scream.

“She’s not feeling well,” Amy answered for her friend, stepping behind her friend and laying a supportive hand on her shoulder. 

“Is she sick?” Ryan asked.

“Can we make her soup?” Luke followed with.

“Not today, bud,” Adam answered, finally making his way into the kitchen. He made a stop to each kitchen occupant, kissing his wife good morning, ruffling his boys’ hair, and giving Tobin a much needed hug. Amy had filled her husband in with the basics early this morning before she had come down to start on breakfast. "We're going to go the park so Mommy and Tobin can have some girl time."

"But if Auntie Christen sick, she needs soup," Luke argued.

Amy held her hand out to stop her husband from speaking. "How about we make some soup tonight after you go the park with Daddy? Does that sound okay, Luke?" 

Tobin looked back and forth between mother and son. She knew that Amy was trying to avoid any sort of fit or meltdown so early in the morning because it would set a bad tone for the rest of the day. She sighed in relief when Luke gave a firm shake of his head in the affirmative. 

With a possible morning meltdown avoided, the Shillings and Tobin dug into Amy's delicious breakfast. 

* * *

 

Around midday, Kelley and Mallory showed up at Amy’s doorstep, small and timid smiles on their faces. 

“Hey guys,” Amy said, stepping to the side to let her friends into her house. 

They made their way into the living room, Kelley taking the armchair and Mallory sitting next to Tobin. The youngest of the group laid her head on Tobin's shoulder, still exhausted from last night's events and the little sleep she had gotten last night. 

No one quite knew where to start and the silence was making Tobin feel a little restless. She was seconds from dashing out the door and going for a run or something when she heard loud footsteps coming down the stairs. Ryan jumped down from the second to last step with a bag on his shoulders and a soccer ball under his right arm. Luke stomped his way down, using the railing to keep himself from falling down. He copied his older brother’s moves when he reached the second to last step, but his landing was much less graceful. 

When Tobin spotted Ryan with his soccer ball, no doubt heading to the park to play, she wanted nothing more than to go with him. The ball was practically calling out to her, and Tobin wished she had a ball at her feet to help center her a bit. She just needed a distraction. But she knew that distractions were only temporary solutions. Her problems weren't going to go away if she kept running from them. And although she wanted to nothing but run from them, she needed to be here for Christen, even if the woman didn’t remember her.

“OOF! Amy, what are you feeding this kid? He’s like ten pounds heavier than when I last saw him and that was like two months ago,” Kelley claimed, poking the boy who had jumped on top of her.

“He eats just about everything. Definitely his father’s son,” Amy said before turning her attention to her youngest as he made his way over, stopping right in front of Mal. 

For the first time in the last few hours, Mal’s eyes lit up. The sight of Luke standing in front of her with a goofy smile and his pointer finger out basically made her day. She connected her own finger to his to complete their unofficial handshake. “Hi, Luke.”

The young boy held his arms out, signaling that he wanted to be picked up. Mal complied with his request by reaching out and pulling the boy into her lap. Luke, ever the little gentleman, pressed a kiss to Mal’s cheek when he was able to reach, an action he really only ever reserved for those he considered special enough. Besides his mother, Mal and Christen found themselves in that category since they got to spend the most time with him due to living so close to one another. One other little lady part of this elite group was none other than Jrue Tyler Holiday. The day little Luke carried out the action on baby Jrue was the day that Lauren and Amy started planning their wedding. 

From his spot cuddled into Mal, Luke called out, “Auntie Tobs?”

“Yeah, buddy?”

“Can you give Auntie Chris something for me?”

Tobin was hesitant to answer. The loss of Christen’s memories also meant that in the forward’s world, Luke didn’t exist. She’d feel slightly guilty for not being able to fulfill his wish, but she also wasn’t ready to break the news to him. He wouldn’t quite understand the situation, but having to explain to the kid that he couldn’t see his favorite aunt would crush him. A small white lie seemed like the best option in Tobin’s mind. “Uh, sure thing. What is it?”

Luke coaxed Tobin to lean in closer with a small wave of his hand. Once close enough, he sat up in Mal’s lap and grabbed Tobin’s face in his hands, kissing the top of her head.

“You want me to give her a kiss?”

The little boy nodded. “Mommy and Auntie Christen give kisses on my head when I don’t feel good. I don’t want Auntie Christen be sick anymore.”

Without knowing, Luke’s request almost reduced her to tears. She was getting choked up. It was such a pure and innocent request. She could picture Christen laying kisses on a sick Luke’s forehead, and it reminded Tobin of all the times she imagined Christen mothering their future children the same way. A dream that seemed much more far-fetched now than it used to.

“I can do that, buddy. She’ll feel better in no time.”

The beaming smile on Luke’s face resulted in a tiny one forming on her own face. It was so obvious how much Luke adored Christen, their relationship always seeming so pure and good. Two absolute sweethearts. 

Not a moment later, Adam descended the stairs, calling out to the boys and telling them to put their shoes on. With quick goodbyes and promises to play soccer next time, the boys were out of the house and the resounding tension from before was back.

“So Chris was released from the hospital this morning,” Kelley stated, trying to start the conversation on some sort of good note. 

Tobin nodded her head in acknowledgment, but didn’t ask for anything more. To be honest, she didn't want to hear any news unless it included Christen regaining all her memories. Nothing else would change the fact that Tobin felt like the outsider in her own relationship.

Despite Tobin not asking, Kelley continued to fill the two in on the situation. “Um, Mama P and Cody are going to have her stay with them for a few days, maybe a few weeks.”

“I thought they usually advised people with amnesia to go through their daily routines and hope it jogs some memories,” Amy recalled from movies and TV shows, the only exposure she had to the condition.

“The doctor recommended it at first, but since she lost such a significant portion of her life and she can't drive herself to the multiple appointments she’s going to have, they decided it'd be best for her to stay with her parents. At least for a little bit. Until she’s more settled,” Kelley explained.

Tobin would admit she wasn’t fully paying attention, but she was still able to pick up on the unspoken behind the scenes conversation she missed out on. She assumed her role had been discussed among the Press Pack and Kelley, but she had a strong feeling she wasn’t a strong contender to being able to take care of the striker now that she was nothing more than an acquaintance. She may as well have been a stranger to her girlfriend, and there was no way Christen would have felt comfortable letting Tobin into such a private part of her life without caution. Even with all of that considered, it still hurt Tobin that she couldn’t really do much but sit back and pray that things would be okay.

“Are you going to come home?” Mal piped up, changing the subject after she felt Tobin tense up next to her. “I don't want to be there alone.”

Tobin furrowed her eyebrows. She hadn’t really thought about where she would be staying. It wasn't like she purposely avoided her own place last night, she just needed her best friend. However, now that she thought about it, she wasn't sure if she wanted to go back. “I thought Kelley was staying?” She said as more of a question than a statement directed at the converted defender. 

Kelley squirmed in her seat a little bit, as if she felt guilty. For what reason, Tobin had no idea.

“I was, and I will," Kelley quickly added, “but I need to head back home and pick some things up. Sam and Taylor said that they could pack up my stuff for me and leave it at Cap’s house until I can sort it all out. And I don't know how long I'll be staying here so I need to restock on clothes and stuff.” 

“How long are you going to be gone?”

“Just a few days,” Kelley answered, twiddling her thumbs just to give her hands something to do. “Plus, Em was going to come home now that you guys are out of season, so I was going to see her for a bit and fill her in on everything before I left again.”

“You should bring her back with you. She can stay with us,” Tobin offered. 

The midfielder knew how hard it was for her two friends to live on opposite coasts during the season, something she thankfully didn’t have to deal with anymore after Christen become the focus of the LA team. Now that both of them were officially done with the season, Tobin would bet everything she owned that they were dying to see each other. It didn’t feel right for them to have to postpone their time together longer because of such a tragic incident, especially when there was an easy solution of Emily coming to LA. 

“Are you sure? I don't want to crowd up your place or anything.”

“I'm sure. It’ll be nice to have her here. Besides, she’s a much better cook than you are so at least I’ll know we’ll be properly fed.”

Kelley chuckled at Tobin’s joke, but the offer was much appreciated. “Thank you, Tobin.”

“Don't mention it. So when do you leave?” 

“Tomorrow night. I should be back Thursday morning though, right before Mal takes off for Orlando.”

Tobin threw an arm around the young player, pulling her closer. “Oh right. The baby is off to the finals.”

“And I’m going to win it. For Christen,” Mallory declared. 

The midfielder let out a soft chuckle. “You do that. Beat the Breakers for me. You know, because you love me, too.”

“I can do that. I’ll also make sure to tell Rose that you want her to lose because she kicked you out of the finals.”

“I’m still mad at her cheeky little back heel goal,” Tobin grumbled. "But if you're going to tell her that, make sure you also tell her that I have to like you better because your my daughter."

Mal gasped, pushing Tobin away for insinuating that she was only liked more because she and Christen had basically adopted her as their team child. 

“Alright, alright.” Amy began, using her hands to help reign in everyone’s attention, “I hate to be the adult here and put a stop to the light mood we’ve transitioned to, but like what happens now? What’s our game plan? If we don't figure this out now, we're just going to keep pushing it back and it won't get done.”

“Well like I said, Press is going to stay with her parents. Oh, and Tyler and Channing are going to take a few days off work to help them kind of slowly catch Christen up on things. Sweden, Canada, all of it.”

“Me?” Tobin added questioningly. She felt like it was a desperate attempt to insert herself back into Christen’s life when she had so many other important life events to be reminded of, but she didn’t really care. It had taken everything in her not to run to Christen the minute she saw her on that dreadful hospital bed. Her fingers were literally itching to brush back those stray pieces of hair from the brunette’s face and reassure her that everything would be okay. She just needed some assurance that she was an important part of Christen's life and wouldn't be left out. 

There was some sort of silent communication going on between Mal and Kelley that didn’t go unnoticed by Tobin. She felt the anger slowly building up in her. She knew that she wasn’t so much in the loop and that was partly her fault for leaving so abruptly last night, but that didn’t mean she liked being kept in the dark. 

“What aren’t you telling me?” Tobin demanded, a bite to her tone that caused Mal to flinch a bit in her spot next to the woman. 

After a few shared looks between the two, Mallory nodded her head, and Tobin almost screamed in relief at being let in on the apparent secret. 

“I’m not really sure how to say this. Like I don’t want you to get to excited or angry or-”

“Just tell me!”

“She asked about you,” Mallory blurted out. 

The simple statement shocked Tobin. She was ecstatic that Christen had asked about her and almost jumped to the conclusion that Christen remembered them. But the way that her friends were hesitant about telling her told her that something was off. 

“Christen?” Tobin asked, just to be sure. 

The young soccer prodigy nodded. Other than that, she was at a lost on how to continue, but thankfully Kelley picked up where she left off. “We gave her back her phone and she saw all the pictures of you two. She asked if they were real.”

“What did you tell her?”

“We told her that they were and that you two have been together for years now. And that if she wanted more details she’d have to talk to you.”

Tobin wasn’t sure what to do with this new information. Based off of how Kelley told her, it seemed that Christen wasn’t completely put off by the fact they were dating, but she was probably more than skeptical. 

“I don’t know what I’m going to do. Or what I’m going to say to her, like what are you supposed to do in this situation,” Tobin pleaded with someone to tell her what to do because she was just afraid of messing things up.

“Tobin, you know Christen better than anyone else. You’ll know what to do when you see her,” Amy reassured her. 

“But what if she never remembers? What if all this is some fucked up sign that we weren’t meant to be together?” Tobin yelled, her frustrations from the situation reaching a bit of a breaking point. "What if this was supposed to happen so we'd break up and get out of each other's lives?"

“You know it isn’t, Tobin. Bad things just happen sometimes," Kelley reminded her, but Tobin wasn't hearing it. 

"She's a good fucking person, Kelley! The best person I know! Why her? Why did this happen to her?"

Mallory whispered, catching Tobin's attention before she could go on a tangent, "Because the world isn't fair sometimes."

The crack in her friend's voice was enough of a reminder that she wasn't the only affected in this. Everyone may be feeling a different sort of pain, but it was pain nonetheless. Each of them loved and cared for Christen.

Tobin sank back into her seat, using the breathing exercises Christen had taught her many times when she tried getting her into yoga. After a long string of deep breaths in and out and mentally counting to ten in her head, Tobin felt the bad mojo leave her body. 

Amy scooted over until her body was flush against Tobin’s. She couldn't imagine how badly Tobin was hurting and wanted nothing more than to take her friend's pain away. But she didn't know how and it frustrated her, even though she knows she couldn't blame herself for not having the answers the midfielder was desperately searching for. So she did the only thing she could think of to remind Tobin that she had to be strong and fight for Christen. She pressed the small black box she had been keeping up in her room into her friend’s hand. Amy watched as Tobin’s face went from surprise, to recognition, to sadness as she toyed with the box, refusing to open it. 

“Listen, Tobin,” Amy used her mom voice, the one she reserved for when she was ready to impart some advice, “if for one second you ever doubted that Christen was it for you, then you wouldn’t have asked me to hold that ring for you. You wouldn't even have that ring, if you didn't know that you wanted to spend the rest of your life with her.” 

“But I haven’t even given it to her yet.”

“Doesn’t matter,” Amy said, her hand going over to open the box, to remind Tobin of what was inside and what it was meant to symbolize. “You love her with all your heart, and I know that deep down, even if she doesn’t remember right now, Christen loves you too.”

“Wait a minute! Back up!” Kelley interrupted. “You bought a ring? How could you get a ring without even telling me. I’m like one of your best friends!”

“Amy and Cheney are the only ones who knew,” Tobin said, rubbing the back of her neck. It wasn’t that she didn’t want people to know that she was planning on proposing, she just wanted to have an idea of when she was actually going to do it. “Cheney went with me to buy the ring, and I asked ARod to hold it for me. I didn’t want Christen to find it on accident and knowing me, there was a high chance of me misplacing it.”

“Yeah, you’re right about that,” Mal remarked as she stealthily plucked the box out of Tobin’s hand so she could inspect the ring better. 

Tobin scoffed, playfully pushing the younger woman away from her. “Hurtful.”

“Truthful,” Mal retorted, passing the ring over to Kelley so that she could wrap her arms around her other team mom. 

“How long have you had this, Tobin?” Kelley asked. 

In her head, Tobin tried to count back to the last time she was in LA before she remembered that she had gone shopping in New Orleans when she visited Lauren. “Um, a few months ago,” she turned to Amy for confirmation, “yeah, like 3-4 months ago, I think.”

“Well I have to say, Cheney did good. This ring is like perfect for Press.”

“Hey! I picked it out! Cheney was there to tell me if it would work or not."

"Just messing with you, Tobs."

In a more serious tone Tobin asked, “What if I don’t get to give it to her because she doesn’t want to be with me anymore?”

“And now you’re back to talking nonsense,” Amy said, snatching the box from Kelley. “I’m going to continue to hold onto this for you, and you are going to charm your way back into that girl’s heart no matter how long it takes because you love her that much and know that she’s the one for you.”

“How do I know that?”

“Well, she has put up with you for the past few years,” Mal stated, quickly jumping out of Tobin’s reach before the woman could hit her. 

Tobin scoffed again. “Again, hurtful.”

“It is slightly true, though,” Kelley added to which Amy nodded her head. 

“You guys are the worst. But for some reason I still keep you around.” 

“Because you love us,” Amy squealed, crushing Tobin in a hug. 

“Debateable. But seriously, what do I do now?”

Amy pulled away so that she could grab Tobin's shoulder and make sure the woman was looking at her. She wanted to make sure her message was getting across. “Do whatever feels right to you. I believe everything will fall into place. You just need to have a little faith.”

_Faith in myself? In her? In Him?_ Tobin wondered because at the moment she felt herself lacking faith in all but one. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think.


	4. Chapter 4

When Tobin woke up from her nap, it wasn’t hard for her to tell that her expected twenty minute nap lasted much longer than she had planned. The lack of light in the room assured Tobin that she had slept through the sunset, which had probably taken place about an hour back. Groggily, Tobin sat up from her place on the couch. She threw the small blanket off her body as she raised her arms over her head to stretch them out.

The growling of her stomach alerted her that it was probably time for dinner. The clock on the TV mantle confirmed it was indeed time for Tobin to feed herself. Slowly, Tobin made her way into the kitchen, in search of a snack to quell her growling stomach. Searching the refrigerator proved pointless. It was bare, nothing more than a Gatorade and a few protein drinks. Closing the door, Tobin saw the long shopping list written out in Christen’s loopy handwriting, which explained all the missing food. The added items at the very bottom of the list appeared to be Kelley’s handwriting, telling Tobin that the two other inhabitants must have finished all the food that was left. With that in mind, Tobin made a mental note to take Chef Emily grocery shopping when she and Kelley got in.

Desperate for food, Tobin dug into her secret stash of snacks in the pantry, something she had to create after Christen became adamant that they eat healthier, effectively ridding the house of most of its junk food. After contemplating between her available choices, Tobin grabbed a bag of chips to munch on and hold her over until she got some real food. With the season being over, her mind and body decided that a nice fatty burger sounded glorious. Tobin was just about to call up the stairs and invite Mal to come with her, but then she remembered that the young one had gone out with Casey and a few other teammates, probably also due to the lack of food in the house.

After pulling on a sweatshirt and placing a beanie on her head, Tobin started the search for her phone, silently praying that it was at least somewhat charged. Her hands were sliding in between the couch cushions, when she heard the doorbell. Her mind quickly ran through a list of people who could possibly be showing up at this point, but it came up blank. To say she was surprised to see Tyler and Christen on the other side of the door would have been an understatement.

“Uh, hey Tobin,” Tyler greeted, stepping forward to give the midfielder a side hug. “Sorry to drop by unexpected and all, but Chris really wanted to come and see the house.” Tyler pointed to the girl standing behind her, who was currently eyeing the exterior of their place and the neighboring houses. “I didn’t want to just barge in, even if we have a key and everything. It didn’t feel right with, you know, everything that’s happened.”

“You don’t need to explain yourself, Tyler. Come on in,” Tobin stepped aside, inviting the sisters into the house. Her eyes drifted to the younger Press the moment she made a move to come inside. They followed her as the woman took in everything the inside had to offer.

The first stop Christen’s feet carried her to was the kitchen. Her hands softly glided across the marble counter tops as she curiously opened a random drawer or pantry door every once in awhile. She paused in front of the fridge, taking in the assortment of pictures, schedules, reminders, and lists littering the surface.

No words were being exchanged between the three of them as Tyler and Tobin allowed Christen to unquestioningly explore. Just as Christen was transitioning from the kitchen to the living room, Tyler had to step out to take a phone call from her husband.

The minute Tyler had left, there was a subtle shift in the atmosphere. Tobin couldn’t tell if Christen could somehow sense the way she became more nervous with just the two of them in the room. If Christen did notice, then she did a great job of hiding it because she continued to study the home with ease. Meanwhile, Tobin was awkwardly shuffling behind her, doing her best to retain an acceptable amount of space between them.

Tobin’s fingers were drumming the side of her leg as she tracked Christen’s movement and reactions to each photo. Tobin had a good idea of which photo each frame contained before Christen even approached it. Carefully she sorted each response into two categories, good or bad. She caught herself from blurting out random questions like _Do you remember that?_ or _Do you know where that was taken?_ every time Christen reached for a new photo.

After moving away from the ones on the mantle piece, Christen slowly walked around the couch, looking at all the photos filling up all the surfaces in the living room. There was an array of photos ranging anywhere from her childhood to present day, each picture containing friends, family, teammates, or most importantly Morena and Khaleesi.

Tobin literally froze when she saw Christen reaching forward to grab the frame that was sitting on the table next to the couch. This picture was her second favorite, only behind the one that was sitting on their bedside table.

The picture had been taken when they had gone on a couples vacation with some of their friends. It turned out to be a much larger group than they had expected. Originally it was only intended to be Christen and Alex along with their significant others, but then word got to Allie, who then invited Kelley with Emily letting it slip to Becky, who took it upon herself to be the chaperone of the trip.

It had taken place after a long day at the beach. They congregated into one hotel room for a few hours, watching TV and playing card games until Tobin and Becky broke out their DS’s. Consequently, Kelley pulled out one of her own, claiming she had bought one last time Becky refused to share, and Alex admitted to also buying one just so she could play against them.

In the photo, the group was huddled around Tobin, Becky, Kelley, and Servando who were all hunched over their 3DS playing Mario Kart. The four were racing on Rainbow Road with Kelley only a lap away from dethroning the current Racing Queen, the one and only Becky Sauerbrunn.

Each racer had their significant others behind them, cheering them on. Alex looked like she was seconds away from grabbing the game from Serv and racing herself, her hands literally on top of his as he tried to remain on the track for longer than ten seconds. Emily and Zola seemed to be dividing their time between cheering on their girlfriends and pulling funny faces at each other, a feat that was entertaining to everyone else but distracting the racers who were trying not to laugh. As for Christen, she was calmly watching from over Tobin’s shoulder, her words of encouragement being soft whispers into Tobin’s ear.

As for the racer’s themselves, Kelley’s mouth was open as she yelled at Becky for knocking her off the course for the second time, while the champion laughed at the other defender’s outburst. Serv just looked mortified at how badly he was doing; each time he thought he was doing well, another racer would push him out into space. Tobin’s face read laser focus, but there was a hint of a smile that one could only guess was in response of her girlfriend’s support.

To any outsider, the picture depicted a chaotic evening between friends, seconds from a possible outburst and an accusation of someone somehow cheating, but everyone involved knew better. It was a small portion of their little soccer family, one they wouldn’t trade for anything in the world. That even included more championships because in the words of drunk, happy Kelley, “winning a World Cup would mean nothing without you guys”.

The feelings associated with this particular picture resonated with Tobin more so than the others. Sure they all loved this image of them, but they didn’t value it as much as Tobin did; at least it felt that way to Tobin. To Tobin, it reminded her that there was more to life than just soccer. It grounded her to the idea of a life she could look forward to after her soccer career came to an end.

Instead of quickly moving onto the next set of pictures, as she had done with the others, Christen was stuck staring at this one. Tobin was a ball of nerves as she waited for Christen to give her some kind of sign, maybe one that gave her hope for things to go back to normal. When Christen finally spoke, it wasn’t quite what Tobin was wishing for.

“Do you hate me?” Christen asked her quietly, avoiding any eye contact.

“I could never hate you,” Tobin answered truthfully.

Christen placed the frame back where she found it, and for the first time since entering the house she turned to face Tobin head on. Her eyes flickered from Tobin’s, to the ground, and back to Tobin’s.

“I'm so sorry.”

“You don't have to be,” Tobin assured her. She shoved her hands into the pockets of her sweats to avoid reaching out for Christen’s. The dark brown color Christen’s eyes had taken, emulating the inner turmoil she was no doubt feeling, pulled at Tobin’s heartstrings. “It’s not your fault.”

“I feel like it is.”

Tobin didn’t know how to respond. She could try to reinforce the idea that none of it was Christen’s fault, but the woman could be stubborn. She knew it probably wouldn’t help spouting out random, yet genuine sentiments because Christen was going to shoulder the blame regardless.

“Do you maybe want to, I don’t know, go for a drive or something?” Tobin asked, her voice shaking a bit due to fear of possible rejection. It was the only solution her mind could come up with at the time, but the more she thought about it, the more she decided it was actually a good idea. “It'll help clear your mind. Promise.”

Christen nodded her head, but she was hesitant to take Tobin's outstretched hand. Quickly, to avoid any more embarrassment, Tobin retracted her hand, letting it fall back to her side. She wanted nothing more for the ground to swallow her up. Not only to tear her from the awkward situation she had just put them in but to also distract her from her breaking heart.

Each rejection, no matter big or small, led to another crack in her heart, and she wasn’t sure how much more she could take before it shattered. Constantly, Tobin was reminding herself that she had to be patient, but it was hard to be optimistic sometimes.

With her head down, Tobin grabbed her keys and led them to the back where Tyler was still on the phone. When they told Tyler they were going out, they were met with more resistance than Tobin had expected. For reasons unknown to the midfielder, Tyler was skeptical of letting the two of them go off on their own, as if they haven’t done it before. To be fair, Christen didn’t remember those times, but Tyler’s reluctance still irked Tobin.

It wasn't until they were out in the driveway that Tyler pulled Tobin to the side.

“Tobin,” Tyler called out, stopping the woman from entering her car. She waved the soccer player over, not speaking until she knew Christen couldn’t hear them. “Please be careful.”

“Do you seriously think I’m going to hurt her?” Tobin almost shouted, her irritation getting the best of her as she lashed out.

Tyler cowered a little at the bite behind Tobin’s tone. Her next words were chosen carefully and left her mouth no louder than a whisper, “I know you wouldn’t hurt her, Tobin. That’s not what I meant.” The older woman sighed as she tried to piece together a sentence that adequately explained what she wanted to express without Tobin getting the wrong idea. “I don’t want you to get hurt. She’s not the same Christen you know.”

Tobin hung her head, a part of her ashamed for jumping to conclusions and basically accusing Tyler of not trusting her. This woman had always been one of their biggest supporters. She felt terrible for thinking ill of her for even one second. “I know. I’m sorry, Ty. I just don’t know what to do here. Like she’s right here in front of me, but it’s almost as if she’s not.”

“I know. That’s why I might you to be careful. The last thing I want to happen is for you to get your hopes up and for things to fall apart after.”

“I’m afraid, I’ll never get her back,” Tobin muttered, her eyes drifting to where Christen was sitting in the car, oblivious to everything as she played with her phone.

“Don’t give up on her just yet,” Tyler said, following Tobin’s line of sight. “I’m here if you ever need me, okay? You’re like family.”

Tobin nodded, stepping forward and allowing Tyler to pull her into a hug. It was comforting and safe. Tyler had been like an older sister to her. She never held back her teasing and would proudly cheer her on when she attended games, just like she would for her sister. It was nice to have a family unit in LA with the Press Pack, especially when there could be long stretches of time when she couldn’t see her own family because they were on the other side of the country.

After saying goodbye, Tobin waited for Tyler to get into her car and drive off before heading to her own where Christen was still sitting. Once settled in the car, Tobin unlocked her phone and handed it to Christen, “Play something good.”

“Everything alright between you and Tyler?” Christen asked as she scrolled through Tobin’s playlist on Spotify, looking for a song she would at least recognize. Unsuccessful, she just picked a random playlist and hit shuffle.

“Yeah, everything’s fine,” Tobin said as she pulled out of the driveway, not willing to elaborate further on the matter.

Tobin opted to take the more scenic route for their drive, one they’ve ventured on many times both at night and during the day. It was quiet between them. Luckily, there was the soft music flowing through the speakers to fill the silence.

“Tobin?”

The midfielder briefly took her eyes off the open road and looked at the other woman curiously, giving her the silent affirmation that she was listening.

“Will you tell me about us?”

Tobin sighed. Her eyes went back to focusing on the road, but it was noticeable to Christen that they were now cruising at a slower speed. The question was something Tobin had given a lot of thought to ever since leaving Amy's house. There were pros and cons of each that she had considered, and it still wasn't clear which was the best decision. However, now with Christen staring at her expectantly, Tobin knew she needed to make a decision.

“I don’t think that’s a good idea.” As soon as the words left her mouth, Tobin couldn’t help but feel guilty because the answer caused Christen to turn away from her. And it wasn’t just the turn of her head, Christen had carefully shifted her body enough to create an invisible barrier between them. Immediately, Tobin tried to regroup and explain herself before things could get worse, “I just...I don’t want you to feel like you owe me anything. That you have to be with me because we were together before your accident.”

There was a hardly noticeable crack in her voice, but it was enough for Tobin to know Christen was hurt by the response. “I’m really trying to understand here. Things are so different than I remember it. And I hate how I feel like everyone knows something I don’t know about myself. It’s like people are trying to hide me from myself,” she cried as she hugged herself.

Reflexively, Tobin’s right hand moved from the wheel and fell onto Christen’s thigh. She immediately pulled it away as soon as she registered what she had done, but thankfully Christen didn’t seem to be completely put off by the action.

“We just don’t want to overwhelm you,” Tobin offered. “We’re not trying to hide you from yourself. It’s just that it’s probably hard enough being lost in this new world; we don’t want you to feel like you have to live up to any of our previous expectations of you.”

“I hate letting people down, though. Like they know me as someone I don’t know myself as. I don’t want them to push me to be someone I’m not, but at least help lead me to the person I was,” Christen voiced, her real thoughts finally coming out for the first time since the accident. “I don’t want people to be mad at me for not being who they remember.”

“There’s no pressure on my end. Yes, I would love it if things could go back to the way things were, but we have to take the situation as it is,” Tobin said. “I don’t want you to worry about making me happy. I want you to be happy, even if that means we’re not together.”

“But then what happens to us?”

“I can be your friend,” Tobin suggested.

Carefully, Christen ventured to take a risk, “What if later I want you to be more than just my friend? What if I end up wanting to give us a chance?”

The question caused Tobin to stop and think. She wasn’t sure if Christen was strictly speaking hypothetically or if she was hinting at something. Either way, Tobin decided to play it safe.

“We’ll cross that bridge when we get there.”

“Fair enough,” Christen said, her body resituating itself, completely tearing down the invisible wall that had been built up at the beginning of the conversation. However, that didn’t quite mean that the topic couldn’t be broached again. “Will you ever tell me what happened between us if I never remember?”

“How about you can ask me one question, but it has to be a yes-or-no type question,” Tobin conceded. Christen deserved some answers, but Tobin also didn’t want to place them in some sort of weirdo limbo by giving away too much.

Tobin’s attention was torn between keeping an eye on the cars in front of them and stealing glances at Christen. She could practically see the gears turning in the other woman’s mind as she attempted to formulate a proper question that would give her some answers she was looking for.

The midfielder picked up on the exact moment Christen figured it out. The a-ha moment was bookmarked by a soft gasp and an accomplished smile.

“Okay, I know what I want to ask,” Christen declared, a little more giddy than she was before.

“Ask away."

For suspense, Christen let a short silence linger among them. It was long enough for Tobin to shoot her an impatient glare, something she found amusement in. “Okay, were we ever going to get a dog?”

“Yes,” Tobin quickly answered. She didn’t have to even think about it really.

Seemingly satisfied with that answer, Christen turned towards the window, watching the trees pass by while bobbing her head to the music. Tobin’s laughter came out of nowhere, causing Christen to jump slightly in her seat.

“What’s so funny?” Christen demanded. She hated not being in on the joke.

Tobin did her best to stop laughing and catch her breath so she could speak. “It’s just that out of all the questions you could have asked, you asked me about us getting a dog.”

“Yeah, so?”

“It’s just so…” Tobin trailed off, her hand languidly waving in the air as if it could conjure up the right word. Tobin came to a stop at the red light, offering her just enough time to turn and look into Christen’s eyes, “It’s just so you.”

“I’m going to take that as a compliment because it involves dogs and I have no idea how else to react to that statement,” Christen giggled, slipping her shoes off her feet so she could bring them up onto the seat.

Despite her earlier rule of answering with only a yes or a no, Tobin felt the need to tell Christen everything. She knew she didn’t have to, but she wanted to. “We, uh, we actually went to the shelter like two weeks ago, last time I was in town.”

The new information caught Christen’s attention, who stopped playing with her phone long enough to shoot Tobin a look that begged for more information.

“You didn’t get to see Morena and Khaleesi as much as you would have liked because they were always at your parents’ house and they were getting old,” Tobin continued, her eyes going back to the streets as the light turned green. “ We had numerous talks about getting a dog, and with your retirement coming up, we thought it was time to take some serious steps into making it happen. So, you, me, and Mal got all dressed up and headed to the nearest shelter.”

“Mal? She’s the girl that was at the hospital with Kelley right?” After Tobin nodded, Christen went on to ask her next question, “Why did she come with us?”

“Well, during the season, Mal lives with you. Most places recommend anyone living in the same household should meet the dogs before the adoption is set in stone. You know like a chemistry test and all.” Christen nodded her head in understanding, prompting Tobin to go on.

There was a small smile forming on Tobin’s face as she recalled that day in her head. When Christen nudged her slightly, she remembered she was supposed to be telling a story. “I remember when we walked in, we saw this little puppy that you immediately gravitated towards for no reason other than as you said _fate_.”

“Why do I get the feeling that you teased me for that?”

“Because I did,” Tobin answered, a cheeky little grin plastered on her face.

“Of course you did,” Christen rolled her eyes, seemingly more comfortable in Tobin’s company than she was before. “But just so you know, a connection with a dog can be immediate and everlasting. If I gravitated towards the puppy like you said I did, then we both just knew it was meant to be.”

“I trust you on that.”

“What does he or she look like?”

At the next red light, Tobin grabbed her phone, unlocking it and scrolling through photos until she found what she was looking for. She handed the device over to Christen, who took it eagerly. She watched with a grin as Christen fawned over the little tan puppy on the screen.

“Her name is Emmie. She's a pit bull terrier/pointer mix. Her owner had dumped her by a trashcan in a pretty bad neighborhood,” Tobin supplied.

“She’s so precious. Who’s that behind her?” Christen turned the screen towards Tobin, pointing to the cowering little pup in the back.

Tobin didn’t even need to look to know who Christen was referring to. “That’s Max, Emmie’s brother. Poor little guy was scratched up bad enough to catch an infection. He was bandaged up after a small surgery they had to do, and he was so scared of everyone.”

“Oh no,” Christen cried.

“It’s okay. They’re both fine and healthy now. They were about eight to ten weeks old when we met them,” Tobin reassured her. “Although they were afraid of everyone at first, it didn’t take them long to warm up to us. Max especially took a liking to Mal.”

“Did we get them?”

“We put in an application for them both. You were so adamant that these were the ones you wanted, even before seeing any other dogs,” Tobin recalled, her smile growing tenfold when she noticed the little sparkle in Christen’s eyes.  “Last week, you called me and you told me that they had accepted our application and would be able to bring them home in a couple days.”

Christen’s squeal was loud enough to cause Tobin to swerve a bit. Luckily, there were no cars around.

“Wait, what happens now? You know because of my accident and all.”

“Well I don’t see why we can’t still pick them up,” Tobin shrugged. “If I remember correctly, we are scheduled to bring them home two days from now.”

Christen was swiping through Tobin’s gallery, cooing at the multitude of photos Tobin had taken. She paused when she reached the last one.

The staff had advised against them taking a family photo with the dogs because there was still a chance the adoption didn’t go through, but Christen really wanted one. And what Christen Press wanted, she got.

Her eyes couldn’t leave the picture on Tobin’s phone. Mal was sitting on the floor with Max curled up in her lap, fast asleep. Christen was next to Mal, holding Emmie who was licking Tobin’s face as best she could since Tobin was crouched in between the two woman.

“We looked so happy,” Christen commented, eyes sad and a bit watery as she placed Tobin’s phone back on the center console.

“We were,” Tobin muttered, surprised the words left her mouth so quickly.

Tentatively, Christen reached over, the top of her fingers barely touching Tobin’s, where they were resting on the gear shift. It was enough to get Tobin to look up over and into the soft green orbs staring at her with a mixture of what looked to be guilt, regret, and a hint of what Tobin convinced herself had to be longing.  

“I wish I remembered,” Christen confessed.

_Yeah, me too._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Look it didn't take me as long to update this time! Hopefully you liked it enough to tell me what you thought.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It doesn't happen often and I don't know when it will happen again. I know it's been a long time since the last update. That being said, I appreciate anyone still reading this and want to thank you for your continuous support!

Tobin was not a morning person and she didn’t appreciate being up so early. It was early enough for her to be grumpy, yet too late for her to even attempt going back to sleep. She groaned at her mental alarm clock for not allowing her to sleep past eight in the morning, a habit that she had acquired since dating Christen who loved to get up at six or seven to do her yoga or morning meditation. Knowing that she might as well start her day, Tobin slid out of bed and went to make her morning trip to the bathroom. 

After relieving herself, she scooped up the puppy that had been occupying the other side of the bed. Normally, she would be against having a dog in the bed because of all the dog hair that would no doubt get everywhere, but with her normal cuddle partner absent, she couldn’t help herself. 

The house was much quieter than Tobin was used to, even with it being early morning. Her feet padded quietly against the cold hardwood floor as she crept up to Mal’s door, pressing her ear against it. When she couldn’t hear anything, she concluded that the women inside must still be asleep. With a small shrug of her shoulders, Tobin made her way to the stairs, prepared to find something to eat. 

She stopped midway down the stairs when she heard faint noises coming from the living room. Her eyes narrowed as her brain tried to rack up what the noise was. As far as she could remember, her friends had agreed that they would all crash in Mal’s room, and all three of them loved their sleep. Without practice forcing them awake, they were more than likely going to sleep for at least another hour or so.

“Did you hear that?” Tobin asked the small fur ball sitting in her arms, waiting as if her dog would actually answer. The only thing she got in response was a pair of brown eyes staring back at her. “Okay, Emmie, it’s time to investigate.” 

As they rounded the corner into the living room, Tobin spotted a pair of legs hanging over the arm of the couch. Now that she was closer, she was able to decipher the earlier noise as snoring. Carefully, Tobin tiptoed over to the couch, making sure to not wake up whoever was sleeping. 

Once she found out who was on the other side of the couch, Tobin had to stifle a laugh. Kelley was sprawled out across the piece of furniture, the blanket half covering her body and half lounging on the floor. Her mouth was hanging slightly open, just enough for the shrill whistle of her snores to slip through. Loose strands pulled out of her messy bun were standing on end, no doubt from the tossing and turning all night on the couch. 

Not being able to help herself, Tobin placed Emmie down on Kelley’s chest. She watched as the pup scuttled up to Kelley’s face, providing soft licks to Kelley’s exposed lips. 

When Kelley started to wake, the surprise attack on her face scared her enough to try to send the intruder to the ground. Luckily, Tobin was nearby and had quick reflexes. She quickly reached out and caught poor Emmie before she hit the floor. The small puppy whined at the abrupt change.

“Don’t kill my pup,” Tobin scratched behind Emmie’s ear, placating the dog. 

“What the fuck, Tobin?” Kelley demanded. She sat up, pulling the blanket back over her legs with one arm as the other rigourously wiped at her mouth. 

“What are you even doing down here, Kell? I thought you were sleeping in Mal’s room,” Tobin called over her shoulder as she walked to the back door so she could let Emmie out to do her morning business.  

“Mal and Emily kicked me out of the room,” the defender grumbled as she rolled off the couch, landing on her hands and knees. She then crawled over to the door where she waited for Emmie to come back in. “Apparently Mal didn't want to share her bed with two extra people.”

“So they voted you out?” Tobin clarified. 

“More like my own girlfriend pushed me to the floor so she could get a headstart to the bed.”

Kelley glared at her friend who was on the other side of the counter trying to stifle her laugh.

“It's not funny, Tobs. My butt is still sore. Besides I figured the couch would be more comfortable than sleeping on the floor where there was a chance of one of them stepping on my face when they made their middle of the night run to the bathroom,” Kelley remarked, rubbing the aforementioned body part as she followed Tobin into the kitchen. She watched as the other woman pulled out a few pans. “I thought there wasn’t anymore food in the house.”

“Well, I stopped by the store to pick up a few things for breakfast. I thought we could have a nice meal together before Mal leaves tomorrow morning. Nothing too fancy, just eggs, bacon, and toast.” 

“Sounds good to me. Need any help, Chef Tobin?” 

Tobin shook her head before cracking some eggs into a bowl, beating them quickly with a fork, “It’s all good, Kell. I’d rather not make a trip to the ER this early in the morning.”

The defender glared at Tobin from across the countertop. “Em was exaggerating. I didn’t need to go the ER.”

“But you were crying when I put the bandaid on,” Emily said, pulling the women’s attention to the staircase where the blonde was descending the stairs with Mal and Max following behind her. 

Kelley crossed her arms across her chest and withheld the good morning kiss Emily was looking for. Not too perturbed by Kelley’s petulance, Emily pressed a quick peck to Kelley’s cheek. “Whatever. I’m a good cook and you know it.”

After stepping away from her girlfriend, Emily moved to the stove, flipping over the pieces of bacon Tobin had in the frying pan. “You are. But we also agreed you’re banned from the kitchen for the rest of the month.” Emily continued to check on all the other food sizzling in their separate pans. After assuring that no food was burning, the blonde hip checked her friend away from the stove and restricting her from doing anymore cooking. “From what I hear, you can’t really cook, so you need to get out of the kitchen.”

“Kicking me out of my own kitchen. Where are your manners?” Tobin shook her head, but complied. If they were being honest, it was for the best. No one wanted to eat burnt food and no one needed to get sick from undercooked food. 

“I could have manners or you could have breakfast. Your choice,” the defender shrugged, plating the scrambled eggs onto a nearby plate. 

No one argued anymore with the chef, instead they got up to grab plates and utensils for everyone. Once Emily loaded up the now cooked bacon onto a plate and Tobin grabbed the toast from the toaster, they were all able to dig in. 

“So, seeing as you don’t have anything in that fridge of yours, I figured Kell and I could make a run to the market,” Emily said between bites of the breakfast sandwich she put together. 

“Yeah,” Tobin answered, “just need to be back before four.”

“Four?”

“Christen wants to come over and meet the dogs,” the midfielder said with a hint of smile creeping on her face.

The last few days have been kind to Tobin. For a little while, Tobin was worried that she and Christen were going to fall back into that awkward ‘should I text her first or should I wait’ phase which usually led to the ‘oops, it’s been too long’ phase and no one would end up texting the other.  

Luckily for her, Christen had reached out to her the very next day. It wasn’t anything crazy, just a good morning text. But that good morning text then turned to a ‘how are you?’ and from there they were messaging back and forth little trivial things. It was nice. Simple. And Tobin didn’t even mind because each reply made her smile. 

Whenever a little text bubble showed up on her phone, Tobin’s heart melted just a little. Being friends didn’t mean Tobin would forget everything that has happened between them. Inside, Christen was still the girl she had fallen in love with. That wouldn’t change. It was a fact. The only thing that has changed was the accompanying feeling. 

Normally, being around Christen put Tobin at ease. With the woman around, Tobin could always find herself breathing easier, feeling lighter. Life felt so much better with her around. It was an effect Tobin had no doubt extended to just about everyone the forward interacted with. 

However, with the whole accident and memory loss situation, things were different. It sent her back in time. Back to when Tobin was bumbling idiot around Christen. 

It was obvious to most of the team and her sisters that Tobin harboured a crush for the striker. Their constant teasing, while good-natured, made Tobin nervous. She was always afraid of embarrassing herself in front of the raven-haired beauty. Everytime she was near the woman, she could feel her heart beat just a bit faster, nothing extreme, but enough to remind Tobin of the anxiousness bubbling within her. 

The nerves had washed away slowly as Tobin spent more time with the striker, but it was a process. And now Tobin found herself back at square one. Okay, maybe square two because she was older now and had better control over her emotions. Or at least that’s what she’s been telling herself. 

“Well, if Press is coming around 4, she’ll probably be staying for dinner, right?” Emily asked to which Tobin nodded to. “I could whip up something special, then. Any requests?”

“Chris really likes fish.”

“Fish? Can’t be any more specific, Tobs? There are literally thousands of fish dishes out there.”

“Oh, oh, I know,” Mallory exclaimed, raising her hand and waving it around to get attention like a child. 

“Yes, Mal?”

“You should make your fish tacos! Those are so good!” Mal answered, a large smile on her face as she shared her idea. “Christen loves them! She even tried to make them once, but it wasn’t as good as yours, sadly.” 

Emily thought it over and it sounded manageable. She looked over to Kelley who was furiously nodding her head. All that girl needed to hear was tacos and she was all in. A quick glance at Tobin’s smile was the confirmation Emily was looking for. “I can do fish tacos. It’s been awhile since I’ve had them myself.”

The defender searched the kitchen, reaching for a pen and a piece of paper. She quickly listed out all of the ingredients she would need for dinner as well as a few other things that she’d use later in the week. Kelley was looking over her shoulder, telling the blonde to add certain things like snacks and ice cream. 

“Make sure to get Haagen-Dazs. Chris loves the coffee flavored one,” Tobin said before reaching for the list herself and adding some of Christen’s favorite snacks just in case. 

* * *

After dinner, the group had gathered into the living room, Emily and Kelley on the couch scrolling through Netflix while Tobin and Christen sat on the floor playing with their puppies.

Dinner was a quiet affair. They stuck to surface level conversations and funny anecdotes from each other’s past, most of them consisted of everyone sharing crazy shenanigans that Kelley was able to rope them into. 

No one mentioned Christen’s accident, and it made Christen feel normal for the first time in awhile. The striker was getting increasingly annoyed at how everyone would treat her differently. She already felt an uneasiness in this body she couldn’t remember growing into in the past couple years, but each time someone tried to coddle her, it intensified the feeling. It was a reminder that things were different and she was the only one not in on the story of a lifetime. 

She ignored the glances Tobin and Kelley would send each other’s way when they thought she wasn’t looking, and instead focused her attention on the puppies who were constantly circling around her, looking for an excuse to be showered with attention. Attention Christen was more than happy to supply. 

“Okay, I think I've got everything,” Mal announced as she set her small suitcase by the couch along with her backpack. 

“Where's your list?” Tobin asked, not even taking her eyes off Christen who was now laying on the floor with the dogs crawling all over her. Before Mal could start to argue, Tobin turned her head to the smaller player with a stern look. “You know the rules, Mal.”  

Mallory grumbled as she stomped back up the steps. Minutes later she came down with a white board the size of a piece of paper. With her dry erase marker in hand, she began to read off the list, making checks by each item as she went.

“Phone. Laptop. Chargers. ID. Money. Clothes. Shoes. Guards.”

“Headphones?” Christen called from the floor where she was trying to teach the puppies some tricks. Everyone’s eyes turned to the brunette with the dogs. “What? I have the same list.”

“That’s because it’s your list,” Tobin said, “Mal has to check everything off before she goes to camp or away games. It’s a rule that she’s been following since she moved in with you.”

“And trust me, it’s a good habit you got her into,” Emily spoke up. “This girl would forget everything if no one reminded her.”

“Says the girl that left her wallet behind and missed her flight because she had to go back to the hotel to get it. Twice,” Mal shot back as she went about double-checking her backpack for her headphones, an essential for travel. When she couldn’t find them, she raced back upstairs to grab them. 

When Mal came back to double check her stuff once again, Tobin took a look at her living room. On one side, Mal was talking to herself as she dumped stuff out of her backpack so she could repack it much more efficiently. On the other side, Emily and Kelley were arguing over which show they should binge tonight, Emily’s arm outstretched as she tried to keep the remote out of Kelley’s reach. And in the center of it all was, Christen. She had a blissful smile on her face as she played with the dogs. For one second, Tobin was able to pretend that the accident never happened. Even if Christen had her memories, she’d probably be doing exactly what she was doing right then and there, and they gave Tobin some temporary peace. 

_ This is how my life is supposed to be,  _ she thought. For that night, she wasn’t going to let any demons pull her down. She was going to enjoy this one moment in time where she could play pretend. Sure she couldn’t go up to hug and kiss Christen like she wanted to. But this was better than all the pain she had felt up to this point. She deserved to feel happy, even if tomorrow brought more heartache. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know, I know. This was kinda short and probably really choppy with a bunch of mistakes. But I'm trying to get back into writing, so cut me some slack and let me know what you think.

**Author's Note:**

> A little preview into a new work I'm trying out. So let me know what you think about this idea. Are you interested? Should I keep going? Should I stick to one shots?


End file.
